Warning: Zombies Ahead


Chris Lippincott, director of media relations for the Texas Department of Transportation, confirmed that a portable traffic sign at Lamar Boulevard and West 15th Street, near the University of Texas at Austin, was hacked into during the early hours of Jan. 19.

“It was clever, kind of cute, but not what it was intended for,” said Lippincott, who saw the sign during his morning commute. “Those signs are deployed for a reason — to improve traffic conditions, let folks know there’s a road closure.”

“It’s sort of amusing, but not at all helpful,” he told FOXNews.com.

Transportation officials in Texas are scrambling to prevent hackers from changing messages on digital road signs after one sign in Austin was altered to read, “Zombies Ahead.”

How awesome is the “not at all helpful” quote? Thanks, Chris. For a second there I thought it might have been fairly helpful and that there were actual zombies ahead. “Geeze, zombies again? I guess I’ll take Mo-Pac then. Eff. It’s gonna be tied up and I’ll be late for work. Son of a beesting.”

Full disclosure: zombies scare the shit out of me.  I dunno what it is. Maybe because they almost go hand-in-hand with “apocalypse.” (Never hear of a “minor zombie flare-up” do you?) Maybe because being eaten is one of the most terrifying ways to go. Maybe because they travel in packs. Maybe because when face with a bunch of zombies there’s always that awkward moment when you notice one of them is your mom or your best friend and you’re like, “No, not you too!” Maybe it’s that damn infectuous Cranberries song.

My dorm back at UT used to have this free movie channel. One day when I was lounging around Dawn of the Dead came on. FUCK that movie! I was so scared that I immediately started walking around my dorm thinking of possible anti-zombie fortifications…like chainsaw slots.

I have told all my friends that if there is a real life zombie apocalypse that if they get bitten I’m going to be all tearful about it. I’ll say, “Stay here. I’ll find a cure and come back for you. STAY ALIVE!! I WILL FIND YOU!!” Then I will stash them in a closet, sobbing all the while. Once zombies start to paw at the closet door they will look into their backpack (if they aren’t already turned by the zombie virus) and discover the C4 I stashed there behind their back. Bam. See, I need them to take as many of those bastards with them as they can. That keeps my precious, precious brains safer.

Of course, you should totally grow some balls and volunteer for a suicide mission right off the bat. That’s when you find out who your friends are.In conclusion, had I been in Austin and seen that sign I might’ve taken it seriously and stolen a ton of guns.


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